The decline of the family
Family breakdown and poor parenting were said to underlie many other social problems and to leave young people without sufficient guidance or support.
While ‘bad parents’ were criticised, it was also argued that parents were often doing their best in difficult circumstances. People emphasised that parenting is a skill and that getting it right can require support. Young parents were highlighted as a group in particular need of guidance.
Participants agreed that having a strong family was very important for children, but disagreed about the importance of a traditional family structure. Some felt that having a cohesive family of any form was enough, whereas others highlighted the importance of having a mother and a father.
Experience of family breakdown among the unheard groups was widespread. Many of the young people involved had grown up in care, something universally described as negative. They talked about periods of family disruption or violent family backgrounds acting as a catalyst for ‘going off the rails’. This was also suggested by web respondents, who saw family breakdown as a cause of anti-social behaviour among young people.
Some comments from the consultation
“Breakdown of the family structure, whether single-parent or not, the lack of a cohesive family unit and the support of the wider family and the values that brings.”
“Irresponsible, uninformed, ill-educated, unprincipled parenting…which sadly leads inescapably and directly to many of the problems seen, heard, smelt, felt and experienced in almost every city, town (and many villages) across the length and breadth of the country involving ‘young people’…all of which are merely the symptoms of this real social evil.”
“…some people raising children have no way of gauging how to raise a child. I mean they do the best they can, I wouldn’t say that was a ’social evil’.”
on April 20th, 2008 at 7:17 am
First of all, thank you for your research and report. I can take the long view because I was born and grew up in the fifties. My home was poor and disfunctional (my father was a drinker)but we were brought up to behave, be polite and treat other people and each other with respect. We did not have a bathroom but were always turned out clean and tidy, as were our re-recycled and thrice-mended clothes.
The magic formula, I believe, is ’standards’, if only in public life. As standards are a bit like money, the less you got, the less goes round and the less you end up with, round after round. If large swathes of the young generation today is feral, there will be even fewer standard bearers next time around. We need more standard bearers, please.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 20th, 2008 at 7:59 am
The role of local authorities in marriage preparation and in promoting domestic and social cohesion should be developed along the lines set out in the White Paper “Delivering Vital Change”:
- as a part of Local Area Agreements [LAAs] for well-being in the community, local authorities should publish a local policy for the promotion of domestic and social cohesion and follow a code of practice approved by the Local Government Association
- the Statistics and Registration Service Act alters the employment position of registrars who became employees of the local authority on 1st December 2007. All couples expressing an intention of marrying whether as a sponsor or when attending a register office should be invited to complete a pre-marital inventory
- unmarried couples registering a birth should be offered the opportunity to undertake a relationship development inventory and a parenting education programme
- couples completing approved programmes in good faith should be rewarded with a choice of retail store vouchers
- failure to complete the inventory satisfactorily should be sufficient grounds for Registrars or Entry Clearance officers to decline to process applications if they are suspicious that an intended marriage is bogus or forced
- failure to obtain a certificate from a facilitator that a pre-marital inventory had been completed in good faith together with the completion of a programme of marriage preparation should be sufficient grounds to revoke leave to remain in the UK
- the evidence provided by one of the couple following the completion of a pre-marital inventory in conjunction with a registered facilitator would be crucial in determining if abuse of marriage is occurring, and sufficient grounds for referral to the senior legal officer in the local authority
- if a sponsor or partner is aware that they will be expected to complete a premarital inventory it is more likely they will acquire the necessary life and language skills to do so effectively
- as deputy registrars, Church of England clergy should be endorsing local policies along the lines outlined above
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 20th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I wonder if the churches are doing enough to reach out into the community and offer their facilities for parenting classes, youth work etc. The problem, it seems to me, is that many people do not see the church as being relevant in their lives but if we are looking for good standards of treating one another with respect and caring for our neighbour then surely the church does have a message that is relevant to a hurting society. “Fresh Expressions” of being Church is a different way of offering a message of hope. The Police and Local Authorities should consider approaching their local churches and asking for support. It can be done without conditions of people joining in for worship…look at the work of the “Somewhere Else” church in Liverpool to see how effective this approach can be.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 20th, 2008 at 9:41 am
This comment is about possible solutions. I refer not to any one problem but to a possible solution to all of the problems discussed.
Underlying the idea of the compulsory education of children is probably the notion that whoever we define as children do not have full rights over their time, which can reasonably be disposed of at least in part by parents and the state. Adult education is seen as voluntary and adult values as expressed in a teaching-free context ruled by legal constraint.
Under such constraints, manifest acts, but not dispositions, can be - and in a minority of cases, are - affected by our system of retributive justice. In fact there is no doubt that manifest acts are nearly always directed by dispositions, which we objectify as values. Now (since not very long ago in our society) although we seek to mould the dispositions of children by education (using explicit rules and sanctions minimally as a framework) we are silently committed to the view that we cannot do the same for adults. But is this inevitably so? Is there an unalterable fundamental human right NOT to be compulsorily educated after the age of minority is passed?
This question contains as its major presupposition the possible solution I propose. Up to some age yet to be determined, the “lifelong education” which at present is wholly voluntarily should become,I suggest, IN PART, compulsory. I shall not present any suggestions here as how this could be brought about, for whom, and to what extent, but I will conclude by indicating what I think its main thrust should be. Undoubtedly, such a programme could include several elements directed towards community, immigration, individualism and the other more specific issues collected from the contributions to this discussion. Probably the core issue, however, which could be addressed, is PARENTING. There has appeared more than ample evidence from social and psychological studies over many decades that the attitudes and behaviour of care-givers, especially in infancy and early childhood, has crucial effects on the character of the next generation.
It may be argued that voluntary enlightment through the media, and through the social services and other means, suffices to correct entrenched failure to understanding how to parent. But most of the contributors to this discussion might well wonder whether the consumerist values, criminal acts, social attitudes, which are so much regretted, have been sufficiently affected and corrected.
Michael. J. Pickering
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 20th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Sadly I believe that the family is under deliberate attack in the interests of equality. A child requires two parents (the task is very hard) and without the presence of both the child will lack the model of father and mother role models. Furthermore, husband and wife are greater than two separate individuals as they demonstrate the virue of shered joy and shared suffering.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 20th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
It would be nice to think that we could use knowledge, wisdom, science and evidence here on a subject that is so important. I’m not an expert, but have read about parenting styles that have been properly researched, maybe even in randomised trials,(essentially, being positive and rewarding gets more discipline and achievement from children than harshness). Lets ban the ‘blame-culture’ and get into ‘appreciative enquiry’ about what does work for children and their education.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.The notion that a child just needs two parents (a mother and father) is neither necessary nor sufficient to achieve good parenting. And its too constraining as a concept. Parents (married/ unmarried/ and in traditional or ‘alternative’ families) and any caregivers also need help and social network around them. They need grandparents, brothers & sisters, friends, neighbours to help with childcare, advice, money, standards, and the hard times to keep them together.
on April 21st, 2008 at 11:13 am
This is a roots up problem. Parents are responsible for teaching their offspring good behaviour, values and standards etc which they hopefully have been taught by their own parents. This is the way good values and standards spread and take effect within society. Equally as appears to be sadly happening today the opposite is taking effect where poor values are generally taking hold.
It is a hard job to bring up children properly. Parents need commitment to continue even through the rebellious teenage years to teach those values which ultimately make make for a good and thriving society from which we all benefit.
There is a nettle which Government need to grasp, that there are a growing number of people who are incentivised to produce babies, not to bring them up properly, but to keep themselves in benefits etc. Many of these children because they do not have the advantage of good parenting, go on to commit crime and cause problems for society generally.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 21st, 2008 at 1:25 pm
The main root of the problem is the Tax Relief/Benefit system and until a Government is prepared to make drastic changes to the system then the problem will never be solved. I suggest:
1. Bring back the Married Man’s Allowance - at present the married woman is in ‘limbo’ - she is not recognised at all and has to provide for her own pension, prescription, dental care, spectacles, course fees because she does not qualify for any benefits as her husband’s income is always taken into account. Yet the Single Parent mother because she is in receipt of the single parent allowance qutomatically qualifies for all benefits.
2. The Single Parent allowance should only be paid forthe first child only and only until the child is of school age. At the present moment the single parent allowance is apid to the mother up until the child is seven years of age. It can be repeated for every child that that mother has so she can go on for the rest of her child bearing life having children.
3. Until the married woman is given a place in society then the disfuncitonal family will always exist.
Solutions
1. Bring back the Married Man’s Allowance and tax relief for every child, and the joint pension.
2. Married women with children should be entitled to exactly the same benefits as the unmarried woman with children.
It is too easy for people to drift in and out of relationships. Witness the Dewsbury women in the news at the moment who has had seven children by five men. If she was not entitled to any benefits she would have to have thought very carefully before she entered into any relationships.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 21st, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Mrs Angela Essex, I’m finding it difficult reconcile you saying on one hand bring back the married man’s tax allowance whilst saying until the married woman is given her place in society then dysfunctional family will always exist. Isn’t that a bit of a contradiction?
No matter. I’m not of the opinion that marriage is the key. There are those who profess that it is the way, but the evidence is there to say otherwise. Marriage is a bit of paper that says each other commits themselves to each other. There’s no magic dust on it that will ensure that happens.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 22nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
The root has always been, and will ever be: to optimise the competence of the individual. Currently the West believes in DOING rather than BEING and puts developing children through a sausage-machine called school, while Mammon’s advertising clutches at them from all sides. The bits of that sausage that the machine spits out, go nowhere. In 1995, I made a suggestion to Rowntree. Visit: www.barriesingleton.co.uk I have seen nothing more viable since.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 22nd, 2008 at 8:09 pm
The decline of the family parralels the decline of local industries. As the jobs disapeared extended families broke up as members had to move to find employment. Older people often never worked again and gradually lost their self respect as the benifits culture set in. I grew up on a council estate where everyone worked in collieries shipyards and the local port. The colliries closed the shipyard moved to the far east and a ship is a rare sight in the once busy river. What was a real community is now plagued with disfuctional families feral youngsters and drug addicts. There are regular attempts to restore the area and the local authority asks for opinions on what is needed when I answer “a major employer” I am regarded as eccentric. One income is is no longer enough to maintain a household and both man and wife have to travel further to their jobs leading to a longer working day leaving less time for the family and so the spiral continues. The old cost of living index was dumped and replaced with the retail index this does not contain an element for either rent or mortgage this is obviously nonsense what is the first item on any normal budget. The inflation in the houseing sector has now led to the present downturn in the economy and it gets worse.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
The rot started with ‘no fault divorce’ and continues with ‘no fault settlements’. This may be administratively convenient but it removes the duty of care from marriage and rewards the cruel and adulterous, male or female. It is just one element of the wider removal of shame and stigma from society, which the unholy alliance of feminists and flower children who now govern us deem to be terribly judgmental and old fashioned and patriarchal. The result? An epidemic of STDs and single-parent families, the best and bravest of whom can never come close to the complementary solidarity of husband and wife, and the unrivalled foundation it provides for rearing children. Now we are about to see fertility treatment rolled out to single women on the NHS, just to take us out of the frying pan into the fire…
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on April 24th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Divorce settlements that reflect the morality of each party’s behaviour, restoration of married person’s tax allowance (and then some), and end to ever-increasing ‘family’ allowances and maternity benefits to single women
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on May 6th, 2008 at 10:43 am
JOSEPH ROWNTREE – ERIC BERNE
Joseph Rowntree called upon us all to seek out the fundamental causes of weakness and evil in society.
Eric Berne gave us a succinct view of self-and-others; the tool required to achieve the above aim.
I would assert that (whether evil comes from social incompetence or – if such is your view - from letting the Devil in) its root cause IS weakness; the weakness of the individual.
In Berne’s terms, weakness amounts to an under-developed Adult ego state* in the psyche; a condition I see as pertaining all over the planet. The two terrible truths of society, are: (1) individual weakness is increasing, and (2) the overcompensating-weak, rise to positions of power. Consequently, any corrective effort must reach out directly to the very young as the Powers That Be are, instinctively, fearful of general empowerment.
I have synthesised an approach. It can be found www.barriesingleton.co.uk as outlined in 1995 to Rowntree. Click on “Visionary Stuff”.
Only wisdom empowers; cleverness is inclined to enslave. Development of a strong Adult ego state engenders wisdom and is vital to individual, family, group, state and world stability. Adult strength is the ultimate answer to every weakness and evil.
* Transactional Analysis http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/ta.htm
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on May 6th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I agree with Barrie Singleton that Transactional Analysis / therapy is worth trying and should be better known. It could become a leading content for my formal suggestion (see above) that a continuing adult education should be provided for by legislation - perhaps for example as a condition for receiving social benefits.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.Michael Pickering
on May 6th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
There is no simple solution to vary complex problems but as a former marriage counsellor and “marriage preparer” (married for 40 yrs) I would like to see Marriage preparation (there are amny courses) an automatic precursor to marriage. Similarly parenting classes are available but greatly under-used.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.Prevention is better than cure and whereas it would be unthinkable to allow a driver with no tuition to take a car on the M3, we expect inexperienced or “failed” (ie divorced) folk to embark on marriage.
It should be necessary for someone getting married to have the right kind of training before commencing such a difficult journey.
on May 6th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
The decline of the family comes down to one thing, fundamentally: the rise of feminism.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on May 7th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
My experience as a mother tells me that were I bringing my child up alone, I would be struggling to provide as good a standard of parenting as I can in a two adult family. I don’t like generalising but nonetheless can imagine why it is that a child might fare better with two loved and committed people attending to its day to day needs - (although I don’t doubt that one capable person can do as good a job in the right circumstances).
However, as a woman, I am disturbed by the number of contributors attributing the breakdown of the family and all that goes with it to feminism. I know lots of women bringing children up alone, absolutely none of them have chosen this situation, and more than a few have left relationships which were abusive. Feminism may have contributed to a situation where they were able to leave, but it wasn’t the root cause. A common theme in the nastier break-ups is drug and alcohol abuse.
Feminism is about nothing more sinister than women being treated as equals with men - anyone who can find in that the root cause of all evil in society is part of the problem.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on May 14th, 2008 at 8:01 am
From all the work I have done over the past twenty years or more, I can place the fault for todays lack of values at the greed and lack of employment duing the 80’s
My work includes alcohol/drug, homeless people, ex-offenders, children, runaways, and supporting male survivors of sexual abuse/rape, so has covered a wide range of people
The overall impact of no work, no money, and no hope, led many people to become drug dependent, to not care about others and to be as selfish as possible, in order to survive.
When the trend is grab all you can get, and ignore others, that breeds comtempt for others and self, and within that process, respect and honour gets lost
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on May 14th, 2008 at 8:46 am
Teaching skills is one place to start, but who owns the deeper values and beliefs that give ‘ family’ more of a significance than owning the latest Xbox 360 game or similar.
Teaching you people about behaviours, how thoughts and feelings affect these, understanding others perspectives and taking responsibility for there actions. This should contribute to a rounded ‘citizen’ which will impact not only on their family, but their communities.
This is more than emotional intelligence, it builds on it.
Abusive? Inappropriate? Report this comment.on June 15th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I think it is a little exaggerated to blame the decline of the family on feminism but ievitably women’s desire for equality has brought about a number of social changes, some of which have had an impact on family life.
Until the 70’s it was pretty much the norm that dad went out to work and mum stayed at home with the children, only returning to work (if at all) when the children were older. Women (quite rightly) wanted to have the same opportunities in life as men and many successfully entered employment areas that had previously been male preserves. Increasingly women did not wish to halt their careers to raise families and so they found ways of juggling careers and babies.
This had a number of effects. First, with both partners working, earnings grew and mortgages became more affordable. Thus house prices increased until we reached the point where it was difficult to service a mortgage on one salary. Thus more women had to work through necessity rather than choice.
The result of so many women in the workplace meant that they were unable to devote as much time as they would have liked to child rearing and thus the erosion of family values commenced.
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